...And Counting

We are currently "trying" to add to the population of "Our Town." In this post I am going to be pretty darn honest about this subject because I really need to vent a little bit. With Remington, Luke and I didn't really "try". I got off birth control in May because I wanted a break, and I was on the patch and had started to hear some things about the patch having a higher rate for blood clots. Blood clots run in my family so I thought maybe I would eventually try a different type of birth control when I decided to get back on. Well, obviously, I didn't get back on because I got pregnant with Remington in Sept. Luke and I weren't "trying" but we weren't "Not Trying" either. We were like if it happens, it happens. We are soooo thankful it happened! Anyway, "trying" is completely different from, just letting it happen. I am soooo sick of trying! The sad thing is we haven't been trying that long! The emotional roller coaster I have been putting myself through is ridiculous. Every month since I got off birth control I have been amping myself for being pregnant, but at the same time discouraging myself from getting my hopes up. How does that work? It doesn't! So, every month since I got off birth control and haven't been pregnant, I am completely ruined and disappointed. Not to mention depressed and frustrated. I hear every one telling me " Don't try so hard" or " Just don't worry about it, it will happen when it happens." Well, answer me this anyone who has ever tried for a baby, How do stop trying when you know you are trying? I mean, I have been slacking on tracking when I am ovulating, and not planning our baby making rendezvous', but how do you put the idea out of mind and not, secretly under all the smoke and mirrors, know that you are trying and might be pregnant?

Each month, as soon as I know that I have probably ovulated and it could possible be the month that I conceive a beautiful baby, I immediately can't fall to sleep at night and am constantly wondering "IF". I lay in bed for at least 45mins praying over and over "Lord, you know the desires of my heart, please help me conceive a baby to add to our family." I tell myself to stop worrying about it, but I still do.

So, here I am. Still "trying" but trying not to "try". I know it will all work out. God has his own perfect timing for everything. There is a beautiful miracle waiting to bless this family and I can't wait to meet it! It's definitely time to add to Bensonville, don't you agree!